Mami Vaga

Let me sit and share something that has my heart exploding. Tears stream down my face as I write this. My mother has Alzheimer’s and dementia and has been declining. Recently her anxiety was more noticeable at her last visit. I try to write our day down on a dry erase board with a sweet note so she can read several times. This weekend I was solo and didn’t make the time to. My husband helps a lot when momma is with us.

Momma and I enjoying our tea while we waited for our breakfast to come.

I wanted to take her on a nice ride and eat breakfast with a view. In Spanish Vagas is the feminine form of wanderer or drifter. I always tell her, “Vamos a ir de Vagas” (Pretty much, we are going to hit the streets) Sorry my Spanish isn’t perfect, but this is what you get. I was raised in Chula Vista. Anyhow the restaurant I chose was named Vaga. It had a lovely beach view. Now me being the planner I am tried to call for reservations because momma doesn’t wait in line or for a table or for anything very patiently.

No one answered when I called and no voicemail. I decided to get ready anyway and started to think about a backup in case there were too many people. As I was getting ready my phone rang. Carl from the restaurant noticed a missed call and returned my call. I thanked him and let him know my situation. Carl assured me that there was not a wait and he didn’t think there would be one, but he’d put our name down just in case.

After getting perdy and putting on a ton of make up (momma loves her makeup but that’s another story) We got on the road and made the 30-minute drive to Encinitas to have breakfast. On the way we noticed a nursery. Score now we had somewhere to walk off the delicious food we were going to eat. We arrived to the valet parking at the resort. The valet gentleman let us know it would cost 10 dollars on the way out.

We made our way all the way up the stairs, I’d recommend the elevator for those with mobility issues. We done made a mistake I realized after the second floor. Momma did ok we got up to the top and checked in. Well shoot Carl was right, there was hardly anyone there. I thanked Carl and brought him a rose from my garden. I mentioned it’s the little things people do for us that we always remember, and I was grateful for the callback.

The young lady who sat us was pleasant and took us to her favorite booth. Our booth was facing the ocean but inside because momma gets cold. We took pictures, made stories for Instagram, giggled and enjoyed the view while momma was trying to flirt with the gentleman next to us. While we sat, she mentioned how perfect it was because no one could see us eat. It was at this time I understood she had so many insecurities and as she declined, she didn’t know how to voice them.

I am her safe space when she is with me. Momma knows I won’t allow anything bad to happen to her or let anyone take advantage of her. I get looks at grocery stores when she is in the middle of the aisle or stops suddenly as we are walking. I get frustrated but then I stop and give her a hug or hold her hand. I’m one of the only people she remembers that loves her on this earth. My mom’s life wasn’t easy, and she fought so hard to not fall victim to manipulators, abusers and all around not-so-great people.

My heart was heavy this weekend not only because my mom is slowly departing from this earth. There are so many other things going on in humans lives but we only see what’s on the surface. A giggling mother and daughter at breakfast, a gentleman eating breakfast, Carl calling me back to save us a table. These are miniscule pieces of our lives but for a second, they were her world and I’m grateful they were kind to her. If you get anything from this long read or even made the way to the end. Please be kind. You really have no clue what other humans are dealing with.

I love you